Stepping Back ON the Mat

Today marked the second time since I stopped practicing that I stepped onto my mat for a short practice. I noticed right away my tight calves and hamstrings. What I had gained only a short time ago has been lost and will need to be found again. My heels do not touch the ground and my fingertips just barely touch the floor as I bend forward.

I found myself becoming irritated with my practice and when I did I simply let myself hang in a forward fold or rest a few moments more in down dog as I rocked back and forth between my feet. Instead of letting myself be angry at how things had changed, I merely explored them. I took time to notice where there was a tightness in an attempt to breath and loosen it.

Then after practicing I questioned myself on why I wanted to be a teacher. Random time to be thinking about this when I've already paid for my training, but it was a thought that crossed my mind. I was scrolling through Facebook, when oddly enough I found an article that pretty much summed up why I decided I wanted to teach. Not that I am trying to say that everything this fella said is my reasoning but the way he helped this particular woman is (in a sense) what I hope to accomplish as a teacher myself.

Christopher Roberts wrote a piece called "Why I Teach Yoga" and it was touching to say the least. A woman drops in to one of his yoga classes and is forever changed by his teaching methods. She thanks him for his class and explains why she attended.

Like Christopher, I hope to touch and even transform the lives of people who come to attend any of my classes; whether its two or thirty people in a class.

I also hope to inspire my child through yoga.

10 days old and I am tired...

So far I've tried not to be aggravated with my lack of practice due to obvious reasons but the more aggravated I become the more I wish I could practice to relieve some stress and tension. I've asked one of my teachers about her experience coming back to yoga after having a child (she has three) and she said not to worry so much about asana but to let the body dictate what it needs.

Therefore, tomorrow, not today, I will be stepping onto my mat. I'm going to start with a simple meditation to at least attempt to ground myself and figure out where to go from there. Certain things may be unreachable at this time but I'm looking for a soft easy restorative sequence that will help relieve stress that is especially built up in my back.

I've tried and tried to breastfeed my child but, whether it is his lack of desire to latch on or his need for instant gratification from a bottle nipple, he has decided he doesn't want to breastfeed. It makes me sad because I wanted him to have every chance at great nutrition (not that formula isn't good but it's not mother nature's intended food). I have been resigned to pumping. This SUCKS!!!!! Not only am I left sore but there is no connection there. Well, unless I hold Connor while I am doing it, but it's not the same.

I know this post has no real dig into yoga per se but I felt compelled to write down my thoughts before I get so absorbed in them that it makes me even more upset.

Alas, here is where I stand.

Connor Campbell Nash

My son is 10 days old today... he sleeps good during the day and at the last feeding before "bedtime" he decides he DOESN'T want to sleep yet and therefore me and my husband are up until at least 12 o'clock. And that is if he decides to stay asleep. Then he's up at 2:00 to feed again and asleep by about 3:00-3:20 and then back up again at 5:30...... At this point I'm so wore out that I end up not fighting him to sleep and just let him sleep on my chest. At which point, I fall asleep. 

Do I regret anything?

Of course not. It's all an endless process that everyone goes through. I just hope (and like to think) I'm handling it like a champ! With a few tears here and there from the flush of excess hormones. 

Oy vey!

Excuse my absence . . . but :)

I want you all to meet my son, Connor Campbell Nash! :) He was born November 1, 2012 at 8:38 PM. He was 6 lbs 15.8 ozs and 18.5 inches long. 

Curiosity..

The more I research for opening my studio, the more I am becoming curious about something. Not sure why the two are correlating since they don't really have much to do with each other, but so far the two are going hand in hand.

I want to learn as much as I can about yoga and even Hinduism and Sanskrit as a language. I'm just not sure how well that would go over with the crowd that would potentially be my "market" here for the studio.

I don't want to learn about Hinduism to become a Hindu, but more for the historical aspect of it. I enjoy the art and sculptures of the Hindu Gods and Goddesses, but would placing certain objects around the studio be overstepping my bounds as a teacher? Or would small or limited objects be ok?

Mainly, I'm enamored with Ganesh :) and want a little statue of him.. that or maybe a statue and a wall tapestry. If nothing else, I guess I could hide him on my desk haha.

Anyways, where would be a good place to learn Sanskrit?

Life of an Untouched Mat . . .

       My life is tragic. It really is. I sit here all alone, in a bag, leaning slightly, but never touched. The dust that flies around settles on my side and at my base. Is this what my purpose is supposed to be? I want to be unrolled and used, to feel like I'm needed. Yet, here I sit. All by myself, minus the knick knacks that surround me. But wait! Is today the day? Will I finally be picked up and rolled out?. . . Sigh. I knew it was too good to be true. What is the purpose of being bought if I'm not going to be used? Bad thing is, this didn't use to be my existence. I was once unrolled and well loved. Now I sit alone.




My poor mat.

Time Drawing Nigh? AND New Products? Uh yes!

I think it's getting pretty darn close! Tomorrow makes week 39!! Yikes.

Anyway, I was walking on the treadmill this morning (doc said step it out and it should help to "induce" labor, so I've been stepping it out) and man, oh, man. I had some severe cramps after that. I thought I was going into labor.......

Wrong. That was not the case. The cramps subsided and I just became lethargic after that. I think it may have been due to me eating lunch though, the lethargic part I mean, and not anything drastic. Course I'm not sure either.

But anyways.. I got some goodies in the other day.. see below!!

These are products by Hunki Dori! They are this rad company that offers eco-friendly, organic, up cycled, handmade in the USA or FairTrade!! Not to mention they're pretty awesome.

They partner, or help, a cause called Freeset (see above) that helps women who are in the throws of prostitution because of where they live.

Mood Body Oils smell DIVINE!!

This mat cleanser is awesome... and it smells so good. It's infused with Sunflower oil. Isn't that cool?

These are their scent infused eye pillows and what's called a HairOM :) I have that one and one that is a bit wider (called a Love Wrap) and I'm way stoked to have them. They're the coolest thing since sliced bread.

This is just another shot of the funky cool eye pillows. If I remember correctly they're Patchouli scented.

And this is just a shot of me with my first HairOM on.

Once I open my studio, I will be the ONLY studio in Mississippi to carry these products! :) I'm pretty excited. I stumbled onto them by accident and now I'm in love. I'm sure it shows, since I'm frothing at the mouth and all. Nevertheless, I can't contain my excitement!

BREAK!!!!

I'm no longer finding the comfort in my practice I used to, and I think it's because of the nearness of my due date. Next Tuesday will make 39 weeks pregnant... yeah, I know. Doctor says "any time now. It's all up to him." Little does the fella know, I already handed him his eviction notice. Too bad it didn't work.

The last few times I tried to practice were a flop. All it did was make me angry because of my lack of ease and enjoyment. So, I've made a decision for the collective good of my little group (me and the baby). I'm not going to continue my practice until AFTER he is born. That way I'm not angry all the time over something I can't control. I'm going to RELAX in these last few days, or weeks, of the pregnancy and try to be content and know that I will be back on my mat as soon as possible. Heck, I can always sit on my mat and meditate if I get that lonely.

I have my "hospital bag" all packed minus some books I'm going to bring up there. Top of the list? You got it!! Maehle's book on Pranayama. Lately, I haven't had the time to read the book. I should be reading now since my husband is still in bed but I decided to type a blog up instead. I'll have time for Maehle later. I will MAKE time for him later.

Right now, it's me and baby time! I'm trying to figure out what outfit I want him to come home in :).