Saturday, June 30, 2012

For My Dear Friend

      It was brought to my attention last night, that there may be some cloudiness regarding certain posts I've made on this blog. I shall attempt to clarify.

      First thing I wish to address is my recent trip to my grandparents house in West Virginia. I had a wonderful time up there. I always do, but I want to be closer to them than I am. I haven't been able to move closer due to funding and lack of a job, therefore, I stay where I am for now. Eventually, my husband and I will move closer. We both want out of the south and we both want to be some place where we can see snow, or at least have the opportunity. The destination is still in debate, but we're still contemplating where we'll go after he finishes nursing school.
      I am mainly upset every time I leave my grandparents. I have always cried and been depressed before leaving. That place has been an important aspect of my life since I was 6 years old. It has been a place I have considered "home" since my family started moving around. Moving caused me to have an unstable Idea of home, so I latched onto the idea of that picture above being home. As I get older, it gets harder and harder to leave and return to the real world. I'd move there if I wasn't married. Heck, I almost did move there. I wouldn't have met my husband if I had moved though, due to the fact that it was before my decision to volunteer to go overseas. So, while there are depressed feelings about leaving my northern home, I will always be happy about going there.
      In regards to my pregnancy, that is a little more difficult haha. Of course it is though, it is a pregnancy. Hormones are raging and causing different feelings to course through my body going ten million miles an hour, which results in mood swings that will have anyone spinning. In the beginning, I was shocked and even scared. Mostly, it was due to the fact that neither Zachary, nor I had jobs that were worth a poop. School is to blame for that. Neither of us wanted to go to school part-time because of the fact that it would take longer to complete and prolong getting a job that will ascertain a steady income.
      The blog I wrote about my pregnancy being hard on me, or causing a bit of depression, that was short lived. I think it was more due to the idea of not knowing how to raise a baby in an environment that isn't quite stable. Any pregnant mother would begin to question things in these circumstances. In light of my situation, I used what I was feeling to fuel research for a class paper that I will attempt to actually have published (if I can muster the courage at least). My freelancing class gave me the opportunity to write an article and I just used everyday life to fuel my paper. If I actually submit the article it will be based on my own experience and fueled by research and doctors statements.
      Nevertheless, to clear up any confusion, I am happy about my pregnancy. Granted, I wanted a little girl, but that was mostly due to the fact that my mom kept saying I was bound to have all girls like she did. I guess when you grow up hearing something you tend to want what you hear haha. Having a boy hasn't made me any less excited though. Although, I am hoping he doesn't take after his father and love frogs. Zachary is crazy about them. Either way, "Connor Campbell" will be spoiled. P.S. his name isn't set in stone but we all like the name :).
      Let's see.. what else can I cover to clear things up in this thing. Well, I am going to be a graduate of American Military University with a Bachelors in English as of August 15th but won't be going further into my career training until after I have my baby. I will most likely stay as a substitute teacher for now, unless they offer me a full time job, but I'm not holding my breath. During the spring semester I will be attempting to get my certificate for teaching. I'm not sure how that will go but I feel it will go well. On the other hand, I don't feel that I want to teach for the rest of my life. So this is more of a means to an end than an actual career choice.
       Um, I'm running out of words. Ah, my lacking desire to cook... That has been revamped. Richard, my father-in-law who is the picky eater, has eaten what I've cooked lately and if I make something that he doesn't like... well there is food in the refrigerator. I'm going to start cooking what I want to eat, and like my mom, say if you don't want to eat that then make your own food. I am going to eat what I want. I'm going to cook what I want. Point blank. I love to cook but I want to cook what I want. :) Hooray food.
      Just in case there is any confusion about my husband and my relationship.... fear not. There is no strain or anything. If it weren't for him I probably would have lost it by now haha. He's kept me sane and in good spirits. His parents are in the process of planning a house to be built. If I'm not mistaken, we'll get to stay here in this house and have two rooms for ourselves rather than one tiny one. :) Needless to say, we have plans already for ways to make it our own... even if it is a temporary fix.

  I think that covers it all.

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